Coaching isn’t therapy.

One-on-One Coaching

We have all had a trusted advisor. Sometimes it’s a close friend, sometimes an advice columnist. Even the toughest of men have been known to spill their guts to a friendly bartender. Talking to someone takes courage. Sometimes you need an objective ear that will respect you just for putting yourself out there.

It’s not therapy. It’s education.

I am not a therapist. I’m an educator. I use my expertise in soft skills, communications, emotional intelligence, rapport building, marketing, and strategic business development to help clients discover their true goals and overcome the obstacles (external and internal) that stand in the way. Whether you’re facing a specific problem or a general rut, we work together on setting and achieving goals that target the kind of life that you value.

360° Life Coaching

I work with clients on everything from their careers to their relationships. The reality is that our ability to communicate affects our personal and professional success. If we have a chip on our shoulder, it’s obvious when we talk to friends or colleagues. I believe that the formula to success involves harnessing self and social awareness (because they affect our ability to communicate strategically) and then mastering the skill of communications. If you are aware of your issues, tailor your message to your audience, and use communication tools effectively, you can have any available goal. If your goal is in any way achievable (by anyone) why can’t you be the one to make it happen?

I am sensitive to the issues that shape our communications and educate my clients to overcome barriers that belong in the past.

Regular meetings can be held in person, online, or via phone to accommodate a wide range of clients worldwide.

Please call 1.877.477.3250 for more information or to schedule an appointment.

If you’re unsure whether coaching is right for you, you are encouraged to book a complementary phone assessment. You can speak directly with Juliana for up to 30 minutes. The number of complementary phone appointments each week is limited so call now, 1.877.477.3250,  to secure the first available appointment.

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The Marketer’s Dilemma

I attended The Art Of Marketing in Toronto this past week. In his riveting presentation, Charles Duhigg (whose book I’m running out to purchase) said that the single most important and telling indicator of future success in a child’s life is… wait for it, wait for it …

Will Power

Apparently, research shows that four year old children that pass the Marshmallow Test have the greatest likelihood of success in life. The test goes something like this… “Child, here is a marshmallow. I’m going to leave the room. If you wait ten minutes to eat this marshmallow, I will give you another marshmallow.” Then you leave the room and watch.

Studies show that 30% of children have the ability to wait ten minutes and will over their lifetime experience greater success than the 70% of children who eat the marshmallow before the 10 minutes lapse. We define the ability to wait as will power.

Reward

In another part of his talk, Duhigg describes how marketers can use a reward structure to manipulate buying behaviour. In this reward process, it is particularly important that you reward behaviour immediately after the behaviour takes place. Delayed reward doesn’t have the incentive affect marketers are looking to achieve. For example, a spray of Fabreze delivers an immediate reward. For those that take pleasure in a clean home, Fabreze creates a reward for all your cleaning efforts immediately.

The Dilemma

I’m a parent and a marketer. Am I supposed to teach my child delayed gratification but manipulate the public with immediate gratification? How do I hold my head high while taking advantage of the fact that 70% of people fail the Marshmallow Test? Do I tell myself it’s ok to market to adults because they are who they are and my marketing to them can not shape them?

The fact is that I am mostly passionate about inspiring successful conversations. I believe that self awareness, social awareness and strategy make effective communications possible. I don’t like the idea of manipulating. I do, however, LOVE the idea of communicating something effectively to an audience that actually appreciates the message.

Where do you stand?

Do you want to teach life skills like will power to listening audiences or do you prefer to lever the lack of will power in marketing audiences? I have probably played both of these roles. But I’d like to think that every time I realized the choice before me, I opted for awareness rather than manipulation.

Be Aware

I’d like to be a marketer that tells you to be aware not one against whom you should beware. So all of this is simply to say, I learned something this week and I want to share it with you. BUT if ever I have an important and valuable message I believe will improve your life, I might just give you an incentive to listen to the message. If there was any reward in reading this article, I can offer you some delayed gratification: sign up to my blog for more.

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Anger Management Tips

Overcome Anger with These Anger Management Tips

Feeling anger is a very natural part of the human experience. Anger is just one way our body and mind tell us that we do not like something around us. In this way, anger is an “alert response.” It identifies for us when there is danger or an area of concern. Recognizing this means we should look to understand what the threat is. What is our body reacting to? Some times it is a true threat to our safety. More often it is an issue that is emotionally meaningful for us but not a threat to our well being. Having perspective takes time and guidance, but it can dramatically change your life.

Anger is always a secondary emotion. Meaning it is always caused by another emotion such as physical or emotional pain, fear, stress, inadequacy, humiliation, etc. A wide variety of emotions lead to anger. Anger essentially makes it possible for us to defend ourselves. This is a very old instinct built into human beings. But we are sophisticated beings and we can have enough self awareness to see passed the anger and ask ourselves what truly is the problem. When you feel humiliated by your mother, explaining the situation to her is more effective than lashing out. If you explain that what she said or did humiliated you, she will feel badly and might try to act differently going forward. If you simply get angry, she will lose sight of what she did to trigger you and focus only on your over reaction.

One example of how anger is a secondary emotion could be that you ask a coworker to keep the noise down because you are doing something important and the distraction is slowing you down. The noise continues. You ultimately get angry but not before you feel disrespected by the disregard for your request. Your mind will associate the disrespect and distraction with a threat. While we are no longer cave people our instinctual brain takes every threat seriously. From this point forward you might take many of this coworker’s actions to be a sign of disrespect to you. This threat will always drive you to anger and you will find creative ways to defend yourself.

The key to a long-term solution to an anger problems is to understand the emotions that drive your anger. Feeling stress over an issue for long periods of time can cause even the smallest things to overwhelm us. Unresolved issues or traumatic experiences from our past can cause anger problems throughout a person’s life or even begin suddenly without warning. Professional counseling, an anger management class or a skilled coach is recommended for anyone that has problems with anger. Controlling anger for short periods of time will not resolve the issue.

Although short term anger management methods will not cure your problem they are very necessary to keeping peace especially while a person is still developing a strong understanding of anger and how to overcome it.  You must establish safe limits of what you can handle and what you cannot. By inhaling deeply and quieting your mind, you can regain your sense of calm and prepare to deal with a situation. You can practice this method with regular meditation. If you must, get away from the situation for a moment. When you’re ready, express your feelings about the situation in a calm manner. Often times a calm expression of your feeling is all that’s needed to resolve an issue. Identify any people or situations that potentially make you angry, if possible avoid them. If it’s impossible to avoid them, then approach them with caution. Perhaps most importantly, your frame of mind is critical to anger management. If you perceive the world negatively or as a place of conflict, you are likely to encounter conflict in many areas of life. Take a positive perspective that makes it easier for you to have compassion for the people around you. It is harder to be angry at someone for whom you have respect and understanding. Visualize yourself as a person who is solid and grounded in their sense of happiness and calm though any trial or situation. Seek out things to aid you like positive music, comedy skits on YouTube.com, etc. If there are no outside sources to aid you, your imagination can work wonders.

 

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Who told you to live that way?

We spend way too much time living according to the standards and rules of others. I read something really cool today. It’s a quote from Steve Jobs. I add a little commentary but the gist is this, get in touch with your inner self and realize that life’s too short to live a life someone else chose.

Discover and Invent… You

What really moves you? I can guarantee you that the things that are important to you are a priceless guide. Have you had the classic 20-something existential crisis: What should I do with my life? Well, the answer can be found in your interests and values. Look at the big picture. Ask yourself what you would be thinking about on your deathbed. What would matter to you then?

Ask yourself the simple question: What is most important to me in life? Ask again and again until you build a list. Once you’ve got your list, then prioritize that list. Here is my list as an example:

  1. Self Love and Esteem
  2. Love (Romantic, Familial and Friends)
  3. Joy, Music, Smiling… Joy in Everyday Life
  4. Significance… Mattering to the World
  5. Personal Growth, Learning and Progress
  6. Connecting with Others
  7. Taking Care of People
  8. Receiving Validation
  9. Experiencing Thrills in Life
  10. Leaving a Legacy
  11. Sharing my Knowledge and Stories

Your list can and should be as long as you need it to be.

This list may be the most important tool you’ll ever need for making decisions. If you are investing time and energy in areas that do not satisfy any of your values, you are likely wasting your time. You will not feel satisfied and rewarded in life if you do not honour your values.

Choose a career, hobbies, friends, etc. that really move you intellectually, spiritually and emotionally.  Taking a well rounded and thorough approach to life requires that you live with intention. Fate, destiny, and circumstance might play a role but you need to position yourself in the right place, surrounded by the right people. You can only set yourself up for success if you know what matters to you. Further to that, you can only accurately assess the opportunities that become available to you if you know what you’re measuring against. A list of values is the perfect measuring stick.

Many individuals do not live with purpose, with intention. If you are simply letting life happen to you, taking what life sends your way, you could be setting yourself up for great regret. Going with what feels good at the moment may not be strategic. And strategy may be the only way to have a life you can be proud of when all is said and done.

There was a time when I let life just happen to me. I worked for my parents in a business that was not my choosing. I was good at it, but I was unable to truly unleash my creativity and purpose. I went out on my own and took jobs in policy making, academic resource sales and consulting, marketing communications, to name a few. I enjoyed parts of each job. But none were quite right. I searched high and low. There wasn’t a job that gave me exactly what I wanted. So…. (drum roll) I invented a role for myself.

I started a business that allows me to constantly grow my self love and self confidence, become a stronger and healthier person in my personal love relationships, experience the joy of connecting with people in fun and inspiring circumstances, grow and learn and progress personally, take care of people while sharing my insights, and hopefully, leave a legacy in my wake.

My business is speakUP. I teach people to achieve their goals by getting in touch with their self awareness, gaining understanding and compassion for their audience, and communicating strategically in pursuit of their goals. I built a business for which there was no specific need, market research, etc. I invented something that mattered to me. And it turns out it matters to you too. I am experiencing great success.

Had I consulted market research and existing paradigms alone, I would not be where I am today. Where I am today did not exist before I built it for myself. Do the same for your self. Discover and invent you!!

If you need help doing that I’m available to personally coach you. You can also check out my training options and see if there is something already built for you there. And if you’re just looking for my kind of inspiration, you can always have me speak for your group or organization. Call 1.877.477.3250… it’s actually me, Juliana, that picks up the phone. Let’s get you where you should be. 🙂

Don’t let outside influences dictate your choices in life; instead, invent yourself. It is incredible how much power, control and direction you have built in to you. It’s there, you just have to tap into it.

 

When was the last time you could say this?

“I’m in a good, healthy, and happy place.”

I know it may seem unnatural to look yourself in the mirror and say kind and motivating messages to yourself. But recognize that it is only unnatural because it is unfamiliar. The more uncomfortable it makes you the more you should do it.

Recently someone asked me why my blog posts speak to mental health issues and self help, after all I call myself a communications expert. Well, I believe one of the greatest problems inhibiting effective communications is that we speak and listen through filters. Filters are made up of issues based on one’s emotional health.

When I frame a message and send it to you I am only speaking in a way that will make sense to me. I am using references that matter to me. I am ignoring related issues that don’t matter to me. Similarly, when you speak to me, I am processing your message through my filters. If you do not take my perspective into account, you message may mean nothing to me.

If you can look yourself in the mirror today and say “I’m in a good, healthy, and happy place.” you bolster your emotional health. With greater emotional health, your will build self awareness. In other words, you will become aware of your filters. Self awareness enables you to be more receptive to messages and speak from a place of objectivity instead of a place of emotional reactivity.

Every good home needs a strong foundation. So too does every good message require a strong foundation. You are the foundation upon which your messages are built. So ask yourself, How emotionally healthy am I? The answer will tell you a lot about whether you communicate effectively.

Whatever your answer, I urge you to look in the mirror today, put on a big smile and tell yourself, “I’m in a good, healthy, and happy place.”  I promise you will feel great and communicate better in the aftermath of that positive reinforcement to your emotional health.

Who are you denying? Part 2

We are often told as children to shut off certain behaviours. And we do. Many of us do so successfully. Some of us, however, struggle our whole lives because denying ourselves the right to be who we are is more stifling than we can handle.

So we act out. Some go bungee jumping with a group of like minded thrill seekers who understand the one-time deviation from responsibility. Some cheat on the spouses to whom they vowed they would be loyal. Some live closeted lives of compliance but indulge in alcohol, pornography, gambling, shopping or really any behaviour of excess. Some develop perpetual depression.

I truly believe that everything that exists requires expression. Returning to the genius of Gibran, “Everything that a man does secretly in the darkness of night will be clearly revealed in the daylight. Words uttered in privacy will become unexpectedly common conversation. Deeds which we hide today in the corners of our lodgings will be shouted on every street tomorrow.”

Your Hidden Self cannot be hidden from everyone forever. Your Blind Self is alive and well, pretending it doesn’t exist solves nothing. Suppressing your Unknown Self is an onerous task. … And I believe all of the obscured self (Hidden, Blind and Unknown) will come out eventually.

Fully and wholly being yourself requires self love and courage. But even if you do not have self love and courage, you don’t get to hide out in obscurity. Your denied self is pushing for freedom. Your denied self desires expression. So ask yourself, when your denied self does come out, do you want to embrace your true self or deal with the pain of self judgement and humiliation?

We humans are a strange breed. If we don’t clearly and intentionally choose how we want to feel about something, we will automatically adopt the feelings of others. So if your parents told you to stop dreaming about being a rock star and go to business school, you might stifle your musical creativity in favour of what your parents told you is more valuable. And, facing the possibility of exposing your creative musical side you may experience fear and a sense of foolishness. In other words, if you don’t choose to love yourself, every part of yourself, you will simply carry on with the judgement, shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, etc. that others have told you to feel.

But you are not alone! And everything you fear to reveal about yourself is actually very normal and there are many others like you. That is why the most important part of Gibran’s comments is not the “darkness” but the “daylight,” not the “privacy” but the “common conversation,” not the “corners” but “every street.”

By hiding your true self you make it impossible to discover there is nothing to hide. Hold your head up high. Your true self will be exposed eventually, it’s inevitable. And when every bit of you is out in the open, you will discover then that you can and should be proud.