Find Out Why You Choose Anger
After my most recent Anger Management Class I’ve been thinking about some of the beliefs we have about anger. Anger is just a form of communication. If it’s just one of many ways to communicate, why choose anger?
If we act out in anger it is often because deep down inside we believe that anger is the only way. But we’re all smart enough to know there are many more effective ways to communicate than to get angry.
Why do we believe in anger?
The answer is usually simple but buried so deep in our history that we don’t remember. Here are some potential beliefs you might hold about anger:
1. You possibly saw and responded to anger when you were growing up.
2. You may be so frustrated and confused that you believe throwing a temper tantrum will communicate your level of seriousness.
3. You may believe people need to hit rock bottom to change and you decide you can create that rock bottom for them.
4. You believe fear motivates.
5. You believe failure isn’t an option.
6. You believe the angriest, scariest, meanest, most violent person wins.
These are only a few possibilities. Ask yourself, Why do I believe getting angry will change a situation?
Your beliefs fuel your decision making. If you have a belief that fuels your anger you need to change that belief. In a tight spot with little time to think, your brain relies on your beliefs to decide what to do next. Without identifying and changing the beliefs you have that fuel your anger, you have little chance of ending your negative behaviour.
Start considering alternative beliefs:
1. Anger never inspires real change (only temporary compliance).
2. Seriousness is demonstrated through calm clear messages not confusing temper tantrums.
3. No person can change another. But everyone can set standards about what behaviour s/he will accept.
4. Fear discourages people. Purpose and pride creates commitment.
5. Failure teaches us a lot and shouldn’t be feared. Robbing others (or ourselves) of the freedom to fail robs them of great life lessons.
6. Winning a battle isn’t winning the war. Good Generals focus on the big picture and give up ground if it supports the ultimate cause.
If you believe anger has hurt your life (broken bones, failed relationships, legal bills, lost jobs, etc.) than you need to remind yourself that you create your life (physical safety, relationships, legal certainty, financial security, etc.).
What do you believe? Should you change it?
Curious about our Anger Management Class?
Feel free to call 1.877.477.3250 or email speakUP@jtcina.com!